Confessions of a confused mind...

The HSBC

2008-09-29T17:47:00.006+05:30

Like all great things, it started as a whim. A group of 3 single men go on a trek and are accompanied by another man who changed status not long back. Meandering amidst green valleys aimlessly, one man realizes the need for an organization which works for the upliftment and betterment of people who are shunned by the society in many ways. The whim becomes a thought.. thought leads to some serious discussions and the discussions end up with the formation of the club.....
"Hopelessly Singles. Bangalore Chapter"!

The HSBC, as it is called, is a club which is open to all eligible single people. Oh yes, they should be hopeless too!

Sirish Chitrapu, the founder member and President of HSBC, in his thirties, says "I have been single all my life and I know how it feels. I think it is a great forum for all the hopelessly singles to come together and discuss ideas". The main theme of the club is to "find ways to drive away a girl inadvertently".

Subrahmanya aka Subbu, fast approaching Sirish, acts as the vice-president. He has one word to say about the club - "Naai thara"!

Nitin alias Bhatta, although still in his mid-twenties, is also hopeless and had no problems getting into the club.

Sreejith aka Jithu, having recently changed status, is not a member but is a senior consultant and is a constant source of ideas for the club, courtesy his vast experience.

Contrary to popular perceptions, the club is open for girls too. But if you are a girl, be warned that you might find yourself getting paired-up with an existing member of the club!

Someone please clap.

2008-06-27T19:55:00.004+05:30

Watched two movies this week. "Mere Baap Pehle Aap" and "De Taali". Both absolute shits - the kind you'd expect me to go and watch :-).

The first one is bearable. The second one is a total fuck. I so badly wanted to run away during the interval. It was only my record of watching every movie in full that saved it. Yeah, yeah I have watched "Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag" fully, in one sitting. Someone please "de taali" for my perseverence.

Alternate profession?

2008-06-04T17:37:00.005+05:30

I am piloting my MiG-500 on a busy street in Koramangala. A dame I am not much acquainted with is sitting behind me for the first time. I am trying to strike a conversation. The transcript is as follows:

Me: Hey, what do u do?
She: I am a fashion designer.
Me: Wow, thats cool!
She: (smiles) Hmmm.

(I am praying she doesn't put the same question to me. But 5 seconds later..)
She: What do you do?
Me: (sheepishly) I am into software.
She: (looking elsewhere, in a flat tone) how surprising.
Me: $#@$@#$@#$@#%

I need to change my profession. Or think of putting it in a different way to make it sound interesting.

Busy

2008-05-22T18:29:00.004+05:30

It's been some time since I blogged. Life's been a li'l on the busier side. Not much time for anything.
Managed to get leave for a month and sneak into the North-East on my 500! (And you thought I was busy working :)) Ha, you earthlings!

My big fat wedding...

2008-03-14T01:26:00.013+05:30

Tarsh started this. Tarsh is to be blamed for all that followed! Any credit can be given to me though...

The background:

For reasons unknown/forgotten/irrelevant, Tarsh put a status message saying "Bhatta getting married in March"... What started off as something that would simply startle others, turned out to be the best practical joke I've ever played. The target: Not one, not two, not three, but a dozen people!

Initially, when people asked me if it was true, I just played along. Some outright believed it, some had doubts, and others simply didn't. Sirish Chitrapu was the first to believe it, what a man! :D. One thing led to another and the plan began to take shape, slowly. My first task was to convince everybody that I was indeed getting married. So, at the next get-together, came up with a story that it was my grandma's wish that I get married! (grandma, forgive me, you would never do that). The story concocted was convincing enough, I should say. Acted very sober with all the people just because the wedding was not according to my wish! Well, some people bought the story there itself. Also, I began to disappear on weekends (used to go on treks) and missed get-togethers (too much pain I say) which helped things a lot.

My fiancee's details:
Name: Rashmi (dont know anyone by that name..)
Location: Mangalore
Pursuing her B.Sc right now.. planning to do her masters after the wedding.
Hasn't been on treks before.. hasn't been on rides before.. is a veggie...(wonder what will she do with me?)

Anyways... Sirish and Saurabh, concerned about me, gave a crash course on "what to do and how to do, post-wedding", with Saurabh suggesting that I don't get stingy, coz the cheaper condoms are not reliable :-). ROTFL! Had a really tough time keeping a straight face listening to the gyaan!

With almost everyone believing it now, Shenoy came up with an invitation card, which was a killer. It was the final nail. There was no way anyone could doubt the whole thing now. Her name, parents name, grandparents name... all concocted. The card was as authentic as a card can get, with all the fake names! Hats off man, Shenoy. Carefully planned the wedding to be on the 16th in Mangalore and the reception on the 13th in Bangalore, trying to cause least inconvenience to the people involved. Co-ordinated with Shyamoly to make sure nobody buys a gift and nobody books tickets in advance to go to Mangalore (I am soo kind-hearted).

With everything set, moi switched off my cell phone on the D-Day and was happy kicking some arses in my kickboxing class. The 'targets', all dressed up, reached the place to find nothing happening there at the hall! Bemused, not knowing what hit them, frantically tried to figure out what was happening. Sirish started calling up people left, right and centre... Pari had a li'l fight with the watchman saying a wedding was 'supposed' to happen! Someone called up the manager of the reception hall! lol..

Still unsure of what was happening around them, all gathered at Shyamoly's place (pre-planned, Shenoy and Shyamoly made sure everyone got to her place). About half an later, yours truly turns up, needless to say, to a grand reception!

Partners in crime:
Tarsh (started it all, then disappeared)
Shenoy (brilliant technical support with the killer card)
Shyamoly (lots of co-ordination, too many roles for her)
Moch (suggested we send the ppl off to some arbit reception hall)
and yours truly (more than a month of planning and execution).

The card that Shenoy came up with:

Change.

2008-03-07T15:09:00.003+05:30

We all change for the ones we love... True. No debating that. "How often?" is the only question. I change 4-5 times a week, on an average.

Does anyone care?

2008-02-08T18:12:00.001+05:30

"Breaking news" in one of India's leading news channels. Nothing more to say.

Click on the image to enlarge.

Doctors!

2008-02-04T19:06:00.001+05:30

Last week at the MGA Hospital in Marathahalli:

Me (sounding groggy): Doc! Help... Sore throat.. finding it hard to even talk...

Doc (examining) : Dude, you might have to get admitted..
Me : Hehh? (did-i-hear-u-right kinda look from me)
Doc : The infection looks pretty bad.. I suggest u get admitted very soon..
Me : Are u cuckoo? Get admitted for a sore-throat???
Doc : Well.....

Me : Nothing doing.. Give me a few tablets.. If it doesn't get better within a coupla days, I'll come back and then decide about getting admitted.

Doc : Ok fine, here you go...

That was the last I saw of that doctor.

Well, the conversation was not exactly as mentioned above.. but the mood was something similar.

Lemme see :-)

2008-01-22T21:01:00.001+05:30

Was wondering... what would have happened if Dennis Ritchie had named his newly developed language "P" instead of the now familiar "C"?? Mayhem, I tell you!

Yashwant Kanetkar, in his inimitable style, would have brought out a book titled "Let Us P" (together?). The moral police, never a dull moment in their life, would have breathed fire. A few effigies would have been burnt. A few buses would have been blown up. Women folk would have been embarrassed. Widespread protest.. unrest... carnage.. bandh calls in Kerala and West Bengal (yes, nowhere else)... Indian economy hit...
Smart guy, huh, Dennis Ritchie..

"Survey jana Sukhi No Bhavantu"

Appetite

2008-01-03T21:11:00.000+05:30

I get really bugged when someone comes to me and asks "What mileage does your bike give?"
Personal question you asking me, you sadistic moron!!
How would you respond if I ask you how much does your wife eat??

Dilbert rocks!

2008-01-02T19:13:00.001+05:30

Here are some dilbert comic strips I really liked. Enjoy maaDi. you may have to click on the images to read them properly.

and this one is my personal favourite...

New Year revelry

2008-01-02T18:29:00.001+05:30

Was on my way back to Bangalore on New Year's eve. Exactly 12 midnight I had entered Bangalore city limits (somewhere near Kengeri). Wrong place at the wrong time. New Year revelry was going on in full swing. On the road side. Rather, on the road. Damn it.

A few $#@$@#@s, drunk, were trying to stop every moving vehicle to 'wish' them happy new year. Add to that fireworks, on the road. How are people supposed to ply on the road then?? Oh, did I forget to mention that I had been riding without my clutch cable for the past 150 kms or so???? Anyone with a basic sense of automobile technology would acknowledge that its quite difficult to start and stop when there's no clutch cable. Somehow was managing to wade through the traffic and the revelers, when suddenly a rocket (firecracker, not the actual one) whizzed past, barely inches from me. For a minute, I was shaken. Remember, I couldn't stop my bike! (Well, not that if I were able to, I would have given the prankster a thumping).

When will people learn some basic common sense yaar? Enjoy maaDi during new years, but why on the road? Get drunk, but why trouble others unnecessarily??

Questions of life

2007-10-17T21:16:00.002+05:30

It's raining outside. Still in office...can't go home.. Have been looking at the skies from the cafetaria window for some time now. Weather Gods not relenting. Too bored to continue reading Baudolino now. Have been pondering over 'life' in general.... Don't want to think about the past but where am I heading to? Have realized there are a lot of things I still need to do in life! Lot of ambitions.. lot of dreams, aspirations... some of them pure fantasies, some realistic... I need to start chasing my dreams I feel.. and soon.. But the question is: where do I start from?? All I need is an inspirational soul and another kind soul who can sponsor all my hankerings! :P

Damn, I think I've spoilt the mood of the post.

Obituary?

2007-07-02T19:34:00.002+05:30

Ok last night I could not sleep. Kept rolling from one side to another with a psyched mind. The reason? Not the mosquitoes, not love life, but the fact that quite a few of my friends getting married! (??)

Some going around without their parents knowing(which is a great thing btws), some going around with plans of tying the knot very soon, some wedding dates already fixed! They are hardly 23-24, and already planning to settle in life?? GOSH! Scared the shit outta me. I mean, think of it. It's been just two years since you graduated. You've hardly opened your eyes to the outside world. And you already want to write an 'obituary' for yourself??

I agree falling in love must be a great thing. Should be really nice to have someone love you. But marriage? So soon?? At an age where one is supposed to do something creative and nice, you'll be changing diapers of your new-born kid? Marriage is inevitable but why do you wanto bring it upon yourself so soon?! Maybe people who are getting married have something interesting to defend their decision. But the very thought sends a shiver down my spine.

The fact that some guys younger to me are getting married made me realize that I've reached a certain stage in my life and am not a 'kid' anymore. I dont want to grow up. I dont want responsibities. I want to go back to my childhood days. I want to bunk classes. I want to play gully cricket. I want to re-live the day I got my first bicycle. I want to enjoy cartoons. I want to build sand castles. I want to return to innocence, feel like free spirit, like a liberated soul....

Amen.

My new love!

2007-05-26T21:19:00.001+05:30

The much awaited Machismo 500 with lean-burn technology finally gets launched in India! Laid my hands on one a coupla days back. Needless to say, Iam elated! Happened to be one of the first customers in Bangalore after the 'official' launch. Few fotos are here

Burn gas, kick ass!

Bidding adieu...

2007-05-20T20:45:00.001+05:30

I am choked in emotions while I write this... My faithful companion, my best mate, my loyal travel partner is parting after four glorious years. I am talking about my bike. My first love. My true love.

Four years and fifty thousand kilometres on the odometer, you have never let me down. Be it the backwaters of Kerala, the tea estates of Munnar, the beaches of Goa, the high passes of Leh/Ladakh or the sea-shores of Chennai-Pondicherry, you've rode amazingly well! The ride to Leh-Khardungla with you will always be etched in my memory. The ride atop Baralachala on our way back was amazing! Have actually lost count of the number of times we measured the length and breadth of Bangalore-Mangalore road, be it via Hassan or Mysore. Also special are the few solo night-out bike rides to Mangalore and Chennai...

Time to say good bye now. Will be riding you for one last time tomorrow or day after. Wherever you are, whoever you are with, keep thumping as you always have. It was a pleasure riding you.

Ride on, mate.

The chocolate collector.

2007-05-09T17:28:00.001+05:30

Damn! Just another lousy day in the office. Meeting, deadlines, peers, managers... A witty (weighty?!) colleague of mine also seemed to be in the same waters. The daily dose of dilbert was over. Sitting in his cubicle, dono tabla baja rahe the. GEE! Can it get more interesting? Then... it happened.

The dame sitting next to my colleague got up and decided to call it a day and my colleague made a passing remark asking her to get two chocolates the next day. Heh? What for? 'No questions. Just get it' was the reply. Then it struck both of us. Why not have fun asking all the girls in the office to get two chocolates for us the next day?? And see how many of them actually care?? Hmm. Not a bad thought. The next few minutes saw both of us walk into girls' cubicles and asking for chocolates. Aah, and a few guys also, who happened to bump into us on our way. We soon realized there were a few girls we had not even talked to before! Toh kee farakh paendha??? Chocolate maang rahe hai.. dil thodi!! The girls who had already left were notified by SMSes. 'No questions. Just get it' happened to be the punch-line that evening. Jindagi mein pehli baar, agle din office aane ka wajeh mil gaya!

The next morning I happened to be in the office at 8:45 (i must confess chocolates were not the only reason..). Chocolates started trickling in. Some asked 'why?' Some just 'offered'. Some offered and snatched it back. Some still haven't got it (still waiting for them.. aheemmmm. Hope they read this blog). All in all, we got a good number of chocolates (isn't that a good enough reason for collecting chocolates?). We soon realized collecting chocolates is a good way of 'breaking the ice'! Now we intend to know them better. So we'll be asking for chocolates from them every month! ;-)

The world is not flat enough!

2007-05-09T16:41:00.002+05:30

Why am I here? Coz the world is not flat. Coming to think of it, why is the world not flat? And what if it was indeed flat? According to Newtons's theory of relativity and Einstein's laws of gravitation, the Turks captured Constantinople in 1453. And also, Karan Johar thinks he will never get married. What a loser! One intellectual question. How do you silence a dinosaur? Answer: Feed him apple pie. Another One: Why cant dogs dance? Coz they have two left feet! Mitochondria and Endoplasmic Reticulum are the two most gullible morons in the galaxy. Now combining all these hypotheses and also considering Pythagoras' penchant for butter toast, we can safely imagine that one side of the world would be completely unoccupied if the world was flat!